Missing you Ma

Amidst those multiple phone calls every day and a few video chats sometimes, I don't tell you how much I miss you. It's not been a year yet that I left a house which you made the home, to settle into another place. I remember you had once asked me, 'When do you miss me?'. A million things came to my mind, but all that could reach to you were the tears filling my eyes!

I miss you when I open my eyes in the morning, for I have no one who'll wake me up an hour before the scheduled time and still give me that extra two minutes I have been asking from the time I got into a playschool. My fingers even in their sleep will make that two if you wake me up again Ma!

I miss you when I get the newspapers delivered right at my doorstep, but never bother to even look at it. For it reminds me of the reprimands that you used to shout from the kitchen of me getting late again because of reading each and every word of it while you were busy making breakfast. Sometime soon, I would love to serve you a good breakfast so that you can sleep a little longer!

I miss you when I look at my cupboard for they oscillate between how you kept the clothes and how I didn't keep them. I'm sorry for all the times when the stacks and piles of clothes crashed over you, and you had to arrange them back which took hours at end painstakingly! Also, I promise no more shopping from my end because I don't want you to get another cupboard for putting all of them in.

I miss you when there's no change in the lunch menu many a time and also on those days when they experiment with making something good. They wouldn't just look at my face to know that I am in the mood for something different than what's served and quickly cook something which would fairly accurately be what I exactly want to eat at that time without me even verbalising it!

I miss you when its time to come back home for I can't call you and ask, "I'm on my way back, do you want something from the market?" I still can't order egg rolls and momos here because I miss instructing them that you need a chicken roll and not a chicken egg roll. I miss those rolls you used to make at home when I wanted to eat one but couldn't because of my sickness back then. Now you know what to order when I come back home next time, Ma!

I miss you when I go to buy groceries, I miss you when I have to deliver cakes and gifts on special occasions. I miss you when I can't hug you when I feel low and have to do away with video calls. I can go on and on because you made me the centre of your little universe and still efficiently did everything to inspire not only me but people around you to strive to excellence as humans ought to do!

However, I don't miss you when I am guided by your teachings for they make me a good human being, bit by bit. I don't miss you when people say I look like you when I adorn a saree. I don't miss you when I am entrusted more responsibilities and make tough decisions, for they remind me of the confidence, sensibility and the wisdom you passed on to me. I don't miss you when I have to rise like a phoenix from the ashes sometimes, for I have seen you do exactly that innumerable times with your will power.

I won't miss you for I can be there anytime besides you as this distance is probably the easiest thing to sacrifice- not all can give up their careers as you did.

I'll not miss you for I have dreams to fulfil- yours, ours and mine!